Things that make me irrationally angry:

1) The Lean Cuisine tells me to stir my food halfway through, but it’s still solid as a rock.

2) Stop the car quickly and everything on the passenger seat ends up on the floor.

3) Smile at someone you pass in the hallway, they make eye contact and don’t smile back.

scowling

4) Removing red nail polish and it stains the edges of my fingers and toes magenta.

5) Strangers using terms of endearment like “kiddo”, “honey” and “sweetie.”

6) Waiters who look at the tip you left before walking away from the table.

bad tip

7) Trying to sort through tangled jewelry.

tangled jewelry

8) When the sheet ends up bunched down at the bottom of the bed.

bunched sheets

9) When the clothes hanger snaps when you try to pull it out.

broken hanger

10) Cylindrical garbage cans that create suction so you can’t get the bag out without it ripping, lifting the can off the ground.

garbage can

11) Automatic flushing toilets that flush when you just lean over to get toilet paper, splashing you with pee water and making anyone nearby assume you’re doing a courtesy flush.

flushing

12) Shoes that squeak when you walk so it sounds like you’re perpetually farting.

Things I do that make other people irrationally angry:

1) Make tuna or egg salad in the break room at work.

889965-001

2) Late merging on the highway.

3) Leaving the cork on the wine bottle opener.

4) Leaving a six-pack in the plastic bag from the corner store when I put it in the fridge.

5) When the Coke Slurpee isn’t the right consistency, I toss it in the trash.

coke slurpee

6) The other alternative, which is testing the consistency by just pouring some into the catch drain.

7) Forgetting to wash all of the leg hair down the drain.

shaving-legs

8) Leaving my personal trash on the restaurant table.

9) Tossing dirty clothes on the floor next to the laundry basket when it’s full. (Hey, Saturday is laundry day)

10) Dumping a half-full cup of liquid into the trash can at work. (the cleaning staff despises me… but at least my cup is… half full)

half full

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