1) 12 Years a Slave: 12 sounds about right. That’s when you can start making kids do their own laundry and load the dishwasher, right?
2) Dallas Buyers Club: I feel like Matthew Mcconaughey’s character.
3) Amerian Hustle: I actually look like Christian Bale’s character.
4) Frozen: My libido. We’ll thaw it out in a few years.
5) Gravity: Where did all my friends go? Oh, wait… I had kids. It’s like being adrift in space.
6) I wore heels to work for the first time in many moons yesterday and bit it hard at the bottom of the stairs ala J-Law. Who needs a fancy gown and an oscar nom to throw yourself to the ground like an a-hole?
7) Ellen: With the current state of my hair growing out process, I look like her only not nearly as beautiful.
8) Blue Jasmine: Didn’t see it, but read a description that included “a fragile socialite experiencing a meltdown.” Replace “socialite” with “working mom” and bingo.
9) I am just about as bad as Bradley Cooper at cutting heads off in selfies and Kevin Spacey could be my doppelganger in 95% of pictures I end up in.
10) Jared Leto. Along with every other woman in the world who tweeted this: I want your hair. Now.