1. I did at least 3 tons of laundry. I can now fold faster than a Gap employee.
2. I bought all my groceries. I can now be sure to avoid that guilt-inspiring $10 lunch during the work week.
3. I had 3 beers alone at home. So much better than drinking with friends. I wear what I want, pee when I want and nobody cares if I get a little sloppy.
4. I ended up at a fancy restaurant where my daughter demanded to sit on my lap and wiggle the entire time. I can now add competitive eating to me resume. I Kobayashi’d that meal.
5. Another meal in public was ruined by my daughter throwing massive temper tantrums. That means I got to eat leftovers in the privacy of my own home. Who wants to eat ribs in front of other people anyway? So, they tasted like crap. That just means I got eat Apple Jacks at 9pm instead. When’s the last time you did that?
6. I promised my daughter a bike ride after taking her to the after hours pediatric clinic, but we were running out of time before dark. It was a bike ride to Walgreens to pick up her prescription in jeans. Exercise!
7. Being at the clinic means I don’t have to miss work during the week in order to take her to the Doctor. Booyah!
8. I got to skip watching the Super Bowl and watch a movie with two graphic rape scenes that made me nauseous.
9. I downloaded 5 new apps to my daughter’s Leap Pad. No Barbie Shorts on Netflix for me. For at least A WEEK.
10. I look forward to working on a Monday. How many of you can say that? Really?
Living The American Scream 
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