Forget blood, sweat and tears. My weekend was all poop, sweat and tears. I’m starting to think that’s a far worse combo.

My son seems to have mastered pee pee on the potty. There’s the occasional partial tinkle in the undies, followed by completion on the pot.

For the most part, there are no puddles accumulating in our house.

Poop is another story altogether.

I’m starting to think he’s terrified to poop on the toilet, so he’s holding it in for as long as he can and then it sneaks out in increments. That’s the only possible explanation for the impressive number of times he pooped in his undies over the weekend.

At some point, we’re going to have to break down and start washing the undies. We’ve been tossing them in the trash. It’s so terribly difficult to want to hand-scrub shit off someone’s underwear. Anyone’s underwear. But, for such a small amount of material, those little Superhero skivvies are EXPENSIVE.

huck potty

There was a pee pee incident when we went to a restaurant for lunch with the kiddos. (where the food was double-fried disgusting)

My husband took Huck to the restroom, he peed and within ten minutes of coming back to the table, he peed in his pants. I guess he wanted to leave as badly as we did.

My husband tells me he also stomped on the pee that puddled on the floor of the bathroom, so his socks were soaked in urine.

We didn’t bring any boy socks, so he ended up wearing hot pink socks with chicks on them under his cowboy boots. (An aside: He loved the socks.)

The kids played outside on a playground that couldn’t possibly be up to code. There were plywood steps, rotting from water exposure. The kids periodically ran back to the deck where we were because they were terrified of the bees. (Which were actually flies.)

flies

We took the kids to play putt putt golf.

In Florida.

In August.

We are not a couple overcoming the challenges of parenting with mental disabilities. We’re just stupid.

huck golf

Not only is it difficult to teach toddlers how to properly use a golf club and avoid water hazards, it’s nearly impossible to keep them from falling off faux cliffs when there is sweat literally dripping into your eyes.

alma golf

Afterward I asked Alma if she had fun. She said, “No, it was too hot.”

Awesome.

To cap off the weekend, there was a 4:30 a.m. Monday morning wake up call. My daughter was bleating like a sheep because she couldn’t find her Rainbow Dash pony.

It was right next to her in the bed.

alma awake

I fell back asleep and had a nightmare that I couldn’t pull off a Frozen birthday party for her.

elsa evil

I can’t wait to trade in all the poop, sweat and tears for some sleep, peace and quiet.

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