(Warning: If you read my posts to have a chuckle or bond over the fact that little kids suck, you may want to skip this one.)

Ever find yourself trying to hide the tears streaming down your face at work because you’re overwhelmed by all of the tragedy in the world?

I do.

But, that probably has something to do with the fact that my job is reading and writing about all of the tragedy in the world.

Being a news producer, I try very hard to make stories more meaningful. When I am tasked with writing a dinky 45 second story on an art gallery and scholarship program in honor of two teens murdered 3 years ago by their own mother, I put real effort into it.

I find good pictures of the victims, check out their father’s Facebook page… and then I cry.

Because the two teenagers were once babies.

CALYX AND BEAU

Because this is what their father wrote on their birthdays:

Beau,
On your 16th birthday, I should be sharing some football and Krispy Kremes with you and laughing at your jokes until our stomachs hurt. Instead I find myself struggling to find adequate words to express the joy you continue to bring to me and to the lives of so many. I am so proud to be your Daddio. I miss you more with each passing day.
Love you forever …+1 with Beau Schenecker and Calyx Schenecker

Calyx, missing you is the hardest part. Celebrating you is the easy part. So on the eve of your 19th birthday, I join thousands who rejoice in having your presence in their lives. From your first day on this Earth, you set out to make the world a better place…Oh my, how you have greatly exceeded expectations! I love you forever + 1, Daddio with Calyx Schenecker and Beau Schenecker

Then, I move on from that story to a 20 second update on the Washington mudslides.

We’ve been updating the death toll for weeks. There’s only so many ways to talk about the search for the missing.

But, they named the latest victim.

Billy Spillers.

billy spillers

I could leave it at that.

Or, I could go look up more information about him and find his wife’s Facebook page.

Their 4 year old son was rescued by helicopter, the mud so thick it ripped his pants off as they hoisted him to safety.

Their 2 year old daughter is still missing and presumed dead.

Their other two children are confirmed dead.

This is a woman who has lost her husband and three children and yet she still refers to the rescue of her son as a miracle.

jonielle spillers

Time to take a break and check in on my Facebook feed… where I get updates on a friend of a friend’s daughter who has been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

She posts pictures like this and somehow remains upbeat. Her strength blows my effing mind.

LOVE FOR CHLOE ROSE

Pre-hydration went well-much better than last time! First chemo was started about an hour ago and the second will be going up soon. Chloe didn’t want to nap earlier so, of course, when the nurses started her Benadryl at 5:15 to pre-medicate her she passed out cold. It may be a very long night or very early morning!

I try to keep my posts upbeat, sarcastic and brutally honest.

Some days I can’t keep up the charade.

Some days are just heartbreaking.

The only benefit of spending my days writing and reading about such heart wrenching, soul crushing things is that I love my kids more than you do.

Kidding, of course.

But, it does put things in healthy (or unhealthy) perspective.

It is the reason why every single stupid-cute thing my kids do makes me worship the ground they walk on.

alma and huck

It’s why I post pictures of them obsessively and daydream about being a stay-at-home-mom.

I want to spend every second loving my children, because you never know when you could end up being the story someone is hunting for more details about to make it more “meaningful.”

Oh, and one more thing.

Damn you Viral Nova for being a perpetual buzz kill.

Maybe this was just one long excuse for why I’m not gonna workout today. Who can go to the gym after that?

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