(As in: everything makes you want to, and your kids do nothing but)

Monthly Archives: July 2014

My job might suck sometimes, but it will never be as bad as being a daycare worker.

1. I occasionally have to clean up someone else’s shit. (something they’ve done wrong)

You ALWAYS have to clean up someone else’s shit. diapers 2. When my kid ends up with a boo boo, my initial response is “What did you do?”

When kids end up hurt at daycare, parents come to you and demand to know, “What did you do?”

HUCK BLACK EYE

Huck’s shiner. I made the mistake of telling his pediatrician the next day that he had been “hit by a car.” (neglected to insert the word TOY before car)

3. I sometimes look forward to work as a break from the kids.

You come to work and find EVEN MORE KIDS.

4. If my kid is throwing a massive hissy fit during drop-off, I can walk out that door and head to work.

You are the one left with the hissy fit. huck crying 5. I can take my bored kids to the beach, mall park, shopping or museum.

You have to come up with creative, safe things for a BUNCH of kids to do. creative 6. I am emotionally invested in my children so I find things that they do to be quirky, cunning and clever.

You find them creepy, manipulative and irritating.

7. We can threaten our kids with “pow pow” even if we never spank them.

You have to rely on firm, clean language for discipline. spanking 8. I can celebrate my child’s milestones.

You get one kid potty trained and there’s another little shitter waiting in the wings.

9. I frequently deal with stupid adults.

You deal with stupid adults AND stupid kids.

10. I work in a business where it’s difficult to get promoted.

Your promotion would have to involve NOT working at a daycare anymore. daycare funny In summary: I can’t say enough for the people who work their asses off wiping my children’s asses, teaching them, keeping them entertained and ALIVE for several hours five days of the week all year long. Bless your hearts. (but please stop charging so much)

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If you can’t be stupid with your kids, you’re stupid.

Studies (that I made up in my head) show that singing, dancing and general tomfoolery with your kids makes them happy.

I used to be insecure about singing in front of my husband. I know I can sing. I did show choir in middle school, dabbled in musical theater and can kill it at karaoke.

But, I know I can’t hit the high notes and occasionally I murder a melody.

While my husband was recently out of town on business, I rediscovered the sheer joy of not giving a shit what anyone thinks about my voice.

So did my kids.

We scream-sing Itsy Bitsy Spider during double bath time. We butcher the lyrics to Let it Go from Frozen and break the sound barrier with Olaf’s In Summer.

OLAF

We used to do “dance party” in the evening, playing various styles of music from Pandora. While that doesn’t keep the kids attention for very long and typically degenerates into sibling violence, it’s inspired both kids to shake it like a Polaroid picture.

OUTKAST

My son has great rhythm like all Cuban men, so I’m told.

My daughter is spastic, but maybe she’s just into interpretive dance.

The other night, I randomly started spitting a hip hop beat and watched in delight as my daughter started to get down and she was ON BEAT. She might stink at ballet, but she’s going to blow minds with her contemporary.

My husband ridicules my “peacock” move and my “stank face” but it’s worth it to hear my kids laugh.

BEYONCE STANK FACE

Even if my children don’t end up on American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, (shows that will no doubt be long since forgotten by then) they will smile more, laugh more and feel more free.

I’m beginning to find that humor and the ability to laugh at yourself is a key component to parenting.

Call us weird, call us kooky but don’t ever call us joyless.

kooky family